What Does It Mean to Be Asexual?

You may have heard terms like asexual, demisexual, or aromantic – and perhaps wondered what they mean. These are some of the identities used by people in the Ace community (or A-spec community) to describe their experiences with sexual and romantic attraction.

It’s a huge, beautiful spectrum, and understanding these terms can help you or someone you know feel seen and validated.

Sexual vs. Romantic Attraction
To understand the Ace spectrum, it helps to distinguish between the two main types of attraction:

• Sexual Attraction: This refers to the level (or lack) of sexual interest or desire you have for another person. This can mean wanting to cuddle, make out, or have sex with someone—or simply not feeling those specific desires at all. Someone who doesn’t experience any sexual attraction might identify as asexual.
• Romantic Attraction: This refers to the level of emotional or romantic interest you have for another person. This covers things like wanting to date someone, feeling a deep emotional connection, or wanting to say “I love you.” Someone who doesn’t experience any romantic attraction might identify as aromantic.

Here’s the key: Your sexual and romantic attractions don’t always match up. You could be romantically attracted to all genders but sexually attracted to none (asexual), or vice-versa! You can live a life full of beautiful, loving, and fulfilling romantic relationships without ever experiencing sexual attraction.

The Ace Community (The A-spec Umbrella)
The term ‘Ace‘ is used as an umbrella term for identities that involve not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction, experiencing it only rarely, or only experiencing it under specific, limited conditions. This includes people who are asexual, aromantic, and those who identify as “grey” (grey-sexual, grey-romantic).

The wonderful thing about the Ace spectrum is that it offers language to define your experiences in a world that often focuses overwhelmingly on sexuality.

Remember: We are talking about the attraction someone does or doesn’t feel, not necessarily their actions (like having sex).

Asexuality is Not Abstinence
Asexuality is fundamentally different from abstinence.

• Abstinence is a choice not to have sex, regardless of whether you feel sexual attraction or desire. People who abstain often do so even though they have high sexual desire.
• Asexuality is an intrinsic lack of sexual attraction or desire. Ace people have a wide range of attitudes toward sex—some are repulsed by it, some enjoy it, and others are simply indifferent.

Is It Just a Phase?
Like all aspects of identity, a person’s feelings about attraction are fluid and can change over time. Many Ace people, however, continue to identify this way for their entire lives.

Regardless of how someone feels in the future, what matters is their current, valid experience. If someone identifies as Ace, that feeling is real, valid, and should be embraced.

Why It Matters
We live in a culture that often assumes everyone is sexually and romantically attracted to others. If you don’t feel these attractions, it can be easy to feel different or like there’s something wrong with you.

The strength of the Ace community is that it provides language, visibility, and solidarity. Knowing these words means you know you are not alone – you are perfectly normal! There’s a whole community that feels the way you do.

Ace Spectrum Glossary
Here are a few terms on the A-specrum: